When the Cheshire emerges...

I wrote in my last post about the friendly side of Dubbo, and mentioned how I felt awkward after the confidence of strangers approaching me. But I want to talk about the other side now - where there's friendliness in a town there's also snobbiness.

Feeling lonely is not common for me, but when it comes around it makes me uneasy. As part of my social experiment of still trying to integrate into the Dubbo community (now 19 months in), I've become a part of the Dubbo Young Professionals Network (DYPN) which gives 'professionals' a chance to mingle. I went to my second gathering recently.

On getting there, I looked out for a familiar face and struggled.

At that moment, I had a rush of low self esteem wash over me like a tidal wave.

Doing things by myself isn't difficult - going to the movies every week, travelling, living alone - but when it comes to introducing myself to a complete stranger I freeze up. And truthfully, that hit me then and I really felt like shit.

Later on, I met a woman through a mutual friend that was great. We talked about the mental roadblock that comes with introductions as an adult and eventually decided to bite the bullet and say hi to fellow networkers.

The effect was immediate - but not positive. Of five girls in the circle, three completely ignored us and continued their own conversation. The other two were fine until someone else came up and proceeded to snigger when I explained to that person what I did for a living as they broke off into their own conversation. I'm not kidding.

My new friend (who I was so grateful to have met) and I walked out together and stood for a minute wondering what had happened. It was disappointing more than anything else. The majority of the group aren't from Dubbo, so you think everyone there would want to make friends.

With all of that though, a personal boundary was pushed. And that's a good thing. A work in progress.

***
A purpose isn't something that you're going to find. It's something that will find you. And it will find you only when you're ready and not before.

Dubbo is generally a friendly place to anyone walking down the street or visiting. People will often say hello to you as you walk past, and some are happy to help if you need a hand. I found myself saying good morning to a European tourist as I walked to work on Anzac Day...

I had that experience in quite the unique way on a recent day off.

Dubbo's Victoria Park

To paint a picture, I decided on a late-afternoon trip to the park to just lay in the dwindling sun and read. I did that, nearly fell asleep, then as I was coming to realise the sun was rapidly going, prepared myself to get up to leave.

I hear a yell, look ahead of me and see a group of Aboriginal girls walking in my direction. I return to reading before I hear a 'Hello' behind me. I sit up, and find five of them sitting down to make me part of their circle.

Around Dubbo, you see a lot of groups of Aboriginal kids walking around on any given day. I've never had the chance to interact with any of them in a quiet environment and I was curious, so I stuck around.

They were just on their way to the main street and needed a rest. They were all probably between 10 and 14, and a very inquisitive group. They asked me some very personal questions - that on first meeting someone weren't appropriate at all, but were in no way threatening. They thought I was about 18 too, which was nice...

It didn't seem like they had a lot to do, and I think like many tweens, they just wanted someone to give them some time. And I did that. I engaged with them, tried to ask them about general things. I admired their curiosity and, to be honest, how easy they found it to approach a stranger and speak to them - although being a bit older I soon found the whole thing a bit awkward. I got up and left once I found myself on the outer of their conversation; they'd made themselves comfortable and my rumbling stomach told me it was time to make an exit.

The whole thing reminded me of our younger years and how we want everyone to take us seriously, to think we're mature. Their confidence in approaching a stranger was a show of that youthfulness, but came across in a way many would consider to be abrupt. I mentioned the event to people who worried it was more sinister than what it was, but I refused to jump to those conclusions. Sometimes you just want to interact with someone out of your immediate zone.

I walked away knowing I'd done the right thing, in my own way having expressed the friendly nature of Dubbo.

***
You leave old habits behind by starting out with the thought,
I release the need for this in my life.