Thursday, February 14, 2013
At least some things never change.
(Then affirms for the day: Your own expectations are the key to the whole business of mental health. If you expect to be happy, healthy, and fulfilled in life, then that's where you'll place your attention and that's what you will manifest.)
Moving on. Yes, happy Valentine's Day. Last year I had a bit of a rant about public library services in regional areas after rediscovering a love for reading. I did continue that love by the way,
the books I read in 2012 to soon be detailed (still getting through a backlog of ideas halted by the no photos episode).
This year I'm upset in a different way.
Then I noticed the ad for the film. It's a national ad, so they just whack it in every paper, but seeing that still threw me off. No doubt the cinema today would have received a heap of phone calls - it's definitely not on.
I ring just to make sure there wasn't an error on the cinema's website. Then I'm told we're not only missing out on it for a week or two - we're not getting it at all. AT ALL.
Fail.
So my night's being spent eating pancakes or crepes (haven't decided at the time of writing this) and then having to see Safe Haven. The food is a good thing, I'll be at dinner with some of the work crew. But instead of a sweeping period epic my movie for the week has to be the latest freaking Nicholas Sparks adaptation. I'm going to be surrounded by cheesy couples watching a cheesy movie. I should bring my own cheese (and crackers, mmm) so I don't stick out like a sore thumb. Ugh.
***
Throughout life, the two most futile emotions are guilt for what has been done and worry about what might be done.
Failure is an editorial judgement imposed by others.
Everything your form needs to house this soul that you are wears out and changes and dies, but the divine, formless you never dies.
Saturday, April 07, 2012
It happens to all of us doesn't it? At one time or another in our lives we attempt to put ourselves out there and say 'hi world, I'm here, how you doin'?' only to find it falls flat on our faces. Part of me feels like the Dubbo social experiment has failed, which has come as more of a surprise than anything else.
While I've been told I seem reserved here, my friends back home would punch you at the very suggestion. I feel I'm definitely being myself, there are just certain elements of me that have rarely seen the light of day.
Although I love a bit of solitude, I'm not a loner. And I have friends here. Just not in different groups like I used to in Adelaide.
I was always planning to join a soccer team when I moved to sort out the whole making friends issue, it was just the wrong time of year. Before I went on my trans-Tasman trip it was the right time. I sorted out who I was playing for and would resume training on my return. It was all sweet.
Then I went to my first training. While it felt really good to run around, I soon realised I was training with mostly girls 18 or under. Not exactly what I imagined being an all-ages team. We even have a 13-year-old waiting to turn 14 so she can play!
I shouldn't have been surprised - after all, I first played Premier League (reserves) soccer at 15, but not out of choice, and I had a lot of girls my age playing with me. Then I found part of it was the same for the all-ages mens side too.
But the whole thing really hit me hard. The social experiment I was counting on had largely failed me.
***
It's now over two weeks since then and there ARE some teammates that are older. I'm an optimist, so yes, there is room for change to this situation.
I may not be able to go out or share similar ideas about certain things in life with some of these girls, but I hope to really enjoy the season regardless. We did win our first game 4-3 too, which was pretty awesome.
The whole thing has shown me that making friends clearly isn't about how old they are, but that you share the same interests and enjoy each other's company. Good moral justification that one...
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