When the Cheshire emerges...

I wrote in my last post about the friendly side of Dubbo, and mentioned how I felt awkward after the confidence of strangers approaching me. But I want to talk about the other side now - where there's friendliness in a town there's also snobbiness.

Feeling lonely is not common for me, but when it comes around it makes me uneasy. As part of my social experiment of still trying to integrate into the Dubbo community (now 19 months in), I've become a part of the Dubbo Young Professionals Network (DYPN) which gives 'professionals' a chance to mingle. I went to my second gathering recently.

On getting there, I looked out for a familiar face and struggled.

At that moment, I had a rush of low self esteem wash over me like a tidal wave.

Doing things by myself isn't difficult - going to the movies every week, travelling, living alone - but when it comes to introducing myself to a complete stranger I freeze up. And truthfully, that hit me then and I really felt like shit.

Later on, I met a woman through a mutual friend that was great. We talked about the mental roadblock that comes with introductions as an adult and eventually decided to bite the bullet and say hi to fellow networkers.

The effect was immediate - but not positive. Of five girls in the circle, three completely ignored us and continued their own conversation. The other two were fine until someone else came up and proceeded to snigger when I explained to that person what I did for a living as they broke off into their own conversation. I'm not kidding.

My new friend (who I was so grateful to have met) and I walked out together and stood for a minute wondering what had happened. It was disappointing more than anything else. The majority of the group aren't from Dubbo, so you think everyone there would want to make friends.

With all of that though, a personal boundary was pushed. And that's a good thing. A work in progress.

***
A purpose isn't something that you're going to find. It's something that will find you. And it will find you only when you're ready and not before.